True Faith

at7:30 amSo as you may remember I decided to pick a word for the year and that word was "genuine/authentic/true".  I had in mind that if I was being more genuine and true I would feel less conflict and feel more free and comfortable.

I also had in mind that I would stop lying to myself and start facing myself in a more truthful way.

Halfway in to 2013 I can safely say that since I started this I now have less of an idea of who I am than when this year started.  I have no clear ideas anymore about what my values or worth or plans are.  I do not have a clue who or how I want to be.  I feel completely and utterly lost and rudderless.

M is wise, and reckons this might be the beginning of my journey to whatever true is.  That by losing my sense of self I might find it again in a more true place.  I hope he is right!

For the rest, I am yet again trying to avoid seeing having stuff as a way to hide from having the rest of that stuff (ideas, plans, a sense of who I am) and instead am trying to embrace whatever it is I am on a journey with right now.

This is quite a scary place to be but at the same time kind of liberating.  I really did not expect this to come from such a small thing as picking my word for the year but it has and for that I am grateful.

And here is yet another song with the word "true" in it...





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