Stop running your mouth, get out of the house

at7:30 amThis post may end up shooting me in the foot, as this may be something that happens only to me and just makes me feel like a complete weirdo, but then maybe I am not the only one and this will make me feel better.  I have no idea, but here goes:

In social situations I often get the feeling I am doing something wrong.  Then, knowing I am doing something wrong I try to identify what it is I am doing wrong.  While trying to figure this out, I try to cover up that I am frantically working out what I am doing wrong.  This usually means I am doing the wrong thing more and more.  I have no idea how to stop doing the wrong thing.  Then the people I know look bored or annoyed and then they walk off.

When they walk off I then usually try to hide, because I know I should not be around people in that state, but it is generally pretty hard to hide in sociable situations (there is only so long you can stay in the toilets - particularly if they are out of order and a bit whiffy) so then I just want to go home.  I feel exhausted when this happens. 

This does not happen all the time.  I still can't tell if it happens less around nice people, or people I am comfortable with or just less when I feel better in myself, but it does not always happen.

The thing is I even feel pretty wiped when I've been around people and this has not happened.  When I've had great chats and laughed a lot and been silly and had fun. I know some people feel energised by being around people, but I struggle sometimes even with people I really love.  After an evening with people I just want to curl up and sleep and hide, and it is only since I read How to Avoid a People Hangover that I realised both that other people felt this way, and that actually a lot of people I love have no idea how I feel. 

Realising how some people I love HAVE NO IDEA what this feels like was actually quite freeing, as it means I was then able to explain that the sadness I feel after hanging out with people, is not always that it has ended, it is sometimes just sadness because I am so wiped from being around them, even if I loved it at the time.

So this is basically a post asking for tips.  I am often struggling to find questions to ask people that don't sound like rubbish small talk, and ways to be there when a conversation is happening where I have nothing to add without feeling like I should just run away as I am just in the way of the conversation (even though it is often really interesting).  As I said this does not happen all the time, and, for reasons I cannot fathom, being around some people just makes me want to cry, or sleep or run away, regardless of how they are acting.

I've discovered that the more I socialise in one week, the more I wear down my ability to do it "right" so I'm starting to look at how I plan my social life to allow me to be better around people more often and feel less of the rabbit in the headlights feeling.

So this post is really over to you.  Do you have any ideas on how to work on this?  Anything you've tried that works?  Are you one of those people who finds this energising and effortless and what is that like?

In other words - help!



(blog title taken from the lyrics to Synthesisers by Butch Walker)Tags:honest,openness,thinkingEmail ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook2 comments:

Will Coach's Followers Put Their Money Where Their Mouth Is?

After Coach Tomer's announcement yesterday that he and his wife filed for personal bankruptcy, his Facebook page began to fill with comments from his supporters lauding his bravery, generosity, vision, etc. One commenter, even said that it was time for them to give back.

Hey YTB'ers! It's time to give back. Let's get to work!!!!!While many in YTB would like to believe that there were thousands upon thousands who made a lot of money with YTB, the truth is that a relatively small number actually did.  This number is hard to define since most pople involved in the program are instructed to "fake it till you make it."

But, without a doubt, YTB did make a lot of money for quite a few people. Even Coach had a program  in 2008 to make 10,000 millionaires in 10 years.  I wonder if these folks will put their money where their mouth is and truly give back to the man who "gave them so much?"

According to his bankruptcy filing, he and his wife have assets of $271,808 with liabilities of $3,863,026.  The Federal Gift Tax Exemption (2011) is $13,000 for an individual and $26,000 for a married couple. Will  those whom Coach help make those millions be willing to write a tax free check to Coach to lift him from this bump in the road? The difference between assets and liabilities is only $3,591,218--or 276 people....or 138 couples.  If 276 people each wrote a check to Coach, he could accept the gift without any tax implications and there would be no tax implications on the giver (except a reduction in the $5m lifetime gift exemption).

Imagine the numbers who could make a smaller contribution. According to YTB's reporting on the Travel Weekly Power List, there are 12,000 people in the program. If each one wrote a check for $299.27 (less than it cost to get into the program--and certainly they have made much more than that